i used to believe giving is better than recieving...

...now im not as sure

i want to share a real-time soul shifting epiphany…

first you should know that one of my life mantras is

what you believe in your heart is your truth

i joined a small meditation/prayer this week – we began with some qi gong movement to release some energy to start, then sat in silent prayer for the remainder of the time…

as we were settling in our host said we were going to do things a little differently

given this was my first time to join that sounded fine to me 🙂

as we sat in silence, if there was anything we wished for some support in we could unmute, make the request, then speak an 'amem' in whatever form we chose as a signal we felt complete

my first instinct was 'oh im so ready to send love & healing & support to others - what could i possibly need or ask for'

which is definitely a pattern for me

(no matter how many flights ive been on in my life hearing them tell me to put my own oxygen mask on first, it always feels like learning a new language when they say it)

we drew attention to our own hearts to begin and were allowing external noises and internal chatter to fall away and then…

a voice came thru the speakers asking for support and comfort with a physical circumstance

i sent all the love, peace, calm, space, gratitude & support i had in me until i heard 

"thank you. amen" 

i smiled and removed my hands from my heart

then suddenly my eyes popped open and found my hand reaching for the unmute button…

🧠 my brain: wait wtf are you doing?? what if someone else wants to make a request? you dont even know what you need or want! you're going to interrupt their silence and flow. just ask in your head - they will 'hear' it. 

💚 my heart: ask for support in receiving 

👉 my hand: unmute

✨ my voice: (first there was a hesitation & pause bc my brain was still yapping away) "hi ive been trying to learn how to receive support so what better place to do so than now - i would love to please receive your support for just a few breaths"

i notice a couple slow nods, a smile and hands up facing me

and i immediately get tears in my eyes

i can feel it

physically

in my body

i put my hands on my heart as though to guard it – then realize i literally just asked for support and it is here to be received, not turned away

hands in my lap, palms up i allowed the tears and the breath and the energy to flow in

after a few moments…

🧠 ok, thats enough. let them off the hook so we can move on to someone else. say thank you and mute yourself again (ooofff - i heard this more deeply than you can imagine)

💚 shhhhhh… stay. you deserve all of this and more (i felt this more deeply than you can imagine)

🧘 my body: i felt like i was being pushed/pulled backwards into the sofa with the rush of love, energy, support, wisdom, forgiveness, gratitude, harmony

✨ my soul: so i stayed for a few breaths more - not focused on how deeply i was inhaling or exhaling, not concerned with how i looked or felt or was going to respond, not letting my hand reach to stop the flow… "thank you thank you thank you" 

i stayed. for me. and received. 

how will you allow your mind, body, heart, soul to receive today…?